Modern Weird Horror Dungeoncrawl: The Movie

So As Above, So Below was not what I expected, at all.  The trailer bills it as a straight up horror movie, but what I got was more of a dark fantasy dungeon crawl, set in modern times.   If anything, it reminded me of a Lamentations of the Flame Princess negadungeon.

The acting was shit, but that's not really what you're going for.  It proceeds at a nice clip, whizzing you along as the hapless fools are forced to go deeper, then deeper, then deeper still.  There's a magical artifact, there's characters with specialties (I'm the translator!  I'm the climber!  I'm the navigator! etc) and.... there's a bunch of set pieces that I'm totally stealing for my next game, so I won't go into it here.

The ending... well.  It's an ending.  Not what I would have done with it, but what do I know from movies, eh?

Tayxis: Appendix N

Fun fun fun time!  This is a list of books and movies which have had  formative influence on Tayxis.  So if you need to get into the mood, sit back, pop open a bottle of Shiner Bock, and enjoy.

Readin'

Preacher: This is the big one.  Before I moved to Texas, before I had ever been to Texas, I knew Texas.  Garth Ennis, bless his Irish heart, understands the mythological underpinnings that make this state what it is.  It's god vampires, angels, demons, the Saint of Killers, rednecks, Christian conspiracies, honestly - if you haven't read this yet, just go.  Start reading it now.  Thank me later.




Demonographia : Dictionnaire Infernal: Written by Jaques Auguste Simon Collin de Plancy with incredible art by Louis Le Breton, this is a "go-to" book when it comes to all things Demonic.  Recently translated into English by Trident Books, it's a thing of beauty.  Breton's illustrations are evocative, to say the least, and each demon gets its own description.  All it's missing are some stat blocks to make it a proper RPG Supplement.






The Works of Joe R. Lansdale - Mr. Texas Horror.
I've only recently started reading him, but he's definitely in there.  Writer of the Purple Rage and High Cotton are the length and breadth of my experience thus far, but I've got The Complete Drive-In glaring at me accusingly from my bedside table, and I can only take that for so long.  

I hear you, right now, going, "Whaaaaa?" Maine can't be any further from Texas, and you're right.  But at the same time, it captures the essence of small town horror so perfectly, I'd be remiss not to include it as an influcer.

Watchin'

The Dollars Trilogy: For some people, John Wayne is the quintissential cowboy, but for me it will always be Clint Eastwood, and these films in particular seem to evoke everything that is awesome about Westerns.  You can argue about how it ripped off Yojimbo, and you'd probably be right, but I don't care.  It showcases everything that made the Old West awesome  - it was dirty and grimy and morally ambivalent and everything that John Wayne wouldn't have gone anywhere near.  

Dallas: C'mon, admit it.  You've watched an episode or two.  Everyone has, it's okay.  

Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia: Sam Peckinpah's greatest film.  Just as gritty as any of Leone's westerns, this is 70s action at its finest, but one of the best directors.  The first of two of his movies on this list, so that should give you an idea of my feelings on his work.





The Wild Bunch: The other one by Peckinpah, a Saturday afternoon viewing of this movie was what gave me the idea of different technological zones within Tayxis.  It really captures the idea of changing times, and the people who are left behind as it happens.




Prime Cut: They say that this is set in Kansas, but I think they just changed the name to protect the
innocent, becuase it's obviously set in Texas.  If the first scene doesn't convince you, I dunno what to tell you.  Regardless, it's Lee Marvin in his prime, doing what he does best - being a badass.  Gene Hackman is the baddie, and this is the film that introduced the world to Sissy Spacek.  But yeah - it's totally Texas, all the way.





More to follow....

The Man With the Iron Fists and the Rule of Cool

The phrase, "Because f**k you, that's why" has become quite popular recently to explain all sorts of shortcomings in media, both written and visual.  It gets used because of times when it appears as though a writer is lazy, or because an editor has cut something that is a bit more essential than they thought.

Prometheus, I'm looking at you.

What this tends to make us forget, though, is that not everything needs to be explained.  Sometimes, not explaining just makes things better.  I remember my first time picking up an X-Men comic, back in 1986.  It was Uncanny X-Men #209.  On the cover, Nimrod and Colossus were grappling with each other, and in the inside, people died.  Some ended up coming back, some stayed dead, and mostly I had only vague ideas of who most of them were.  There were hints dropped at things that had happened previously, and more hints regarding things to come, but it didn't  feel as though it was an incomplete story.  Rather than being turned off by the existence of more to the story, it drove me back to the store, first to get back issues, then to keep going, keep following the story.

Obviously, that's harder to do in a movie than in a comic book.  It'll be a whole lot harder to bring me back to a Prometheus sequel, for instance, because as pretty as it looked, they strung me along for two hours, asking questions which they did not end up answering.

Which brings me to The Man With the Iron Fists.  On the one hand, you can see some similarities to Prometheus.  The story is that the RZA's original cut of this movie clocked in at over four hours, while the final cut is barely over an hour and a half so you know there's a lot left on the cutting room floor, and I honestly hope that at some point there is a Director's Cut released filling in as much of that as possible.

What was left, though, was a movie that functions much like Chris Claremont's issue of Uncanny X-Men.  There is obviously more to this story than what is presented in the film.  The difference between this and Prometheus is that MWtIF asks no questions, it simply exists.  Would I love to know how/why Brass Body can turn his body into brass?  Sure I would!  But see, here's the thing - I'm a big fan of the TV Tropes website, and I came across a page there recently called the Rule of Cool.  The idea is simply this  - the limit of the Willing Suspension of Disbelief for a given element is directly proportional to the element's awesomeness. So while I would like to know about Brass Body's backstory, I'm content to see him kicking ass on the screen.

All of this got me thinking about RPGs.  First of all, somebody should get the RZA to make an RPG.  The amount of world building that went into that film was phenomenal, which also helped it out when it came to the issues described above.  It didn't feel as though we were getting less than a whole movie, so much as we were peeking through the View Finder into a realistic, fully fleshed world filled with people who existed before the movie and would continue on after.  

More to the point though, we get tied down in the hows and whys of things very often.  We want things to be "realistic".  We want things to make sense.  And yes, to a certain extent this should be true.  There should be an internal consistency to things - I was perfectly satisfied with Russel Crow having a knife that spun around and also fired bullets.  I would have been less so had he pulled out a plasma rifle and started launching neutron grenades at his enemies.  But I don't need the answer to every single question, unless the movie explicitly asks them.  

Another good example of this is in the Wire.  If you haven't seen it, shame on you, go and find it and watch it.  There is a character in the show, I won't spoil who on the off chance that there are people who still haven't seen it, who is presented as an antagonist throughout the show.  In the last season, as a character is leaving a gay bar, in the background of a single shot, there and gone so quick you'd be forgiven for missing it, is this character.  Not once in the entire series is it mentioned that he's gay, it plays absolutely no role in developing any of the many plots in the series, it's just an, "Oh, by the way..." sort of moment.  

My point is, it's those sorts of moments that make a series more "realistic".  Not answers, but statements that generate questions, that let you fill in the blanks.  The moments that spawn discussion around the table after too many drinks - who'd win in a fight, Superman or Batman?  What happened to all the other people on the wheel in Conan?  Rather than frustrate the veiwer, they invite them to fill in the blanks themselves, letting them "own" the story in a small way.

WE NEED MORE OF THAT IN OUR RPGs!

It doesn't have to be, "Because f**k you, tha's why!", but rather, "Because it's awesome, THATs why!"

Not everything needs to be explained.  We don't need a rule for every conceivable action that a character might take.  We don't even need rules for every likely action.  We don't need every spider and caterpillar codified with stats and XP awards listed in the modules.  We don't need megadungeons, or sandboxes or hexcrawls. What we need is balls to the wall enthusiasm.  What we need is world building.  What we need are players who want to peek throug the View Finder to share in a world of someone else's creation who are willing to help breathe life into that world and watch it grow and evolve as they go.  We need players who ask questions rather than demand answers, who look for reasons why instead of why not.  We need GMs who are willing to be flexible, and willing to find a balance between fun and realism.  We need level-set expectations from all parties, but the freedom to exceed them, and the willing to figure out how to make things work even when they miss.  

Or maybe it's just what I need.

October Horror Part III: John Carpenter Edition

This was a tough one to write.  What can you really say about John Carpenter's movies?  You either love them or you hate them.  If you love them, you know everything I'm about to say.  If you hate them, me saying that I love them and why probably won't change your mind.  Here goes nothing...

It's important, I think, to remember that Carpenter at his best is an auteur - some of his best and most fondly remembered films are instances where he exerted his influence on multiple levels.  At various points he has written, directed, produced, acted in and composed music for his movies.  Say what you will about his films, but very often they have a strong "voice" that carries throughout the work.  There is a list here that breaks down his entire filmography based on his contributions to each work.  Follow the link and be amazed!

Rather than try and list every single one of his works, I'm going to cherry pick what I feel to be some of his best.  I'll include at the end the extent of his involvement.

Halloween: Well duh.  The movie that launched an entire generation of slasher films, that defined Jamie Lee Curtis' career, that established Carpenter as force to be reckoned with in horror films, that bought Michael Meyers permanent real estate in the zeitgeist.  The story of how the movie of made is almost as interesting as the movie itself, and is worth a read, or a watch of any of the dozens of documentaries on the making of the movie.  Carpenter controlled every aspect of this film, Directing, Writing, Producing, creating the Music for it, and even put himself into it (he provides the voice for Annie's boyfriend).  This is how you make a low budget movie.  Scratch that, this is how you make a GOOD low budget movie.

The Fog: The 1980 version, naturally, the less said of the remake the better.  I'm not a huge fan of ghost story movies, but that's mostly because this one did it so damn well.  Jamie Lee Curtis and Adrienne Barbeau lead the way, in this tale of a town's dark secret as it comes back to haunt them on the anniversary of the town's founding.  It's the story Stephen King wishes he wrote.  He directed, wrote, composed music for and acted in the film (playing the role of Bennett).

Escape From New York: Every once in awhile I run into someone who has never seen this movie, and it blows my mind every time.  I mean... Snake Plisskin - c'mon!  The second teamup between Kurt Russell and Carpenter (5 internets to anyone who knows what the first one is without googling it), and Russell proves why he's an action star for the ages.  Come to think of it, I hope he can at least make a cameo in the next Expendables.  I think he's about the only one left who hasn't.  But yeah, Escape From New York, Russell is a badass, it's postapocalyptic, it's got Isaac Hayes as the friggin Duke on New York City, Donald Pleasance as the President of the USA, how have people not seen this?????  I
It should be required viewing, 'sall I'm saying.

They Live: "Rowdy" Roddy Piper is here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and he's all out of bubblegum!  You're not going to get much better sci-fi than this.  Is it a warning on the nature of large organizations and conformity, or is it a terrifying meditation on paranoia?  It can be a horror movie, it can be a sci-fi movie, it can be a balls to the wall action film, it's the Rorschach movie.  Carpenter Directed, Wrote and composed the music for this movie.   Warning: Contains the most epic fight scene you will ever see.

The Thing: I was a fan of the original.  I love the original.  I have memories of watching the original through my fingers as a kid.
I like Carpenter's version better.
It takes the basic plot of the original and spins it into a tale of paranoia, isolation and fear and you just can't look away.  Another Kurt Russell film, he continues to show why he's a badass mofo.  Interestingly, Carpenter considers this, In the Mouth of Madness and Prince of Darkness to be a sort of Apocalypse Trilogy, all of which share a common theme of cosmic horror.  He was only the director on this one, although he did have a bit part as one of the Norwegians in the video.

Body Bags: Remember this one?  The made for TV movie?
I forgive you for saying no.  It wasn't his best outing, but it has a special place in my heart, reminding me as it does of the old Amicus films from way back when.  Carpenter teams up with Tobe Hooper to bring you three tales of comedic horror, with varying results.  The first one is the best (incidentally, it takes place in Haddonfield, IL, the same town that Halloween was based in), telling about a girl locked in a gas station when a killer is on the loose.  The second is just batshit crazy, with Stacey Keach, aliens and... hair.  The third, well, the third just kind of exists.  Overall, it's not that great, but it's fun, and I enjoy it, so whatever.  He did Direct, Produce and Compose music for it.

Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns: Technically not a movie, but it was his best output in years, so it needs to be mentioned (which, incidentally, made his followup on the same show so disappointing).  Tapped to direct an episode of Showtime's Masters of Horror, the title refers to the practice of film cues, meant to tell the projectionist that the reel is coming to an end.  This ties in thematically with the larger story (starring everyone's favorite survivor, Norman Reedus) as he searches for a film that supposedly drives the viewer mad.  It's a spiritual sequel to In the Mouth of Madness, another of my favorites, and, I suspect, an unofficial member of Carpenter's Apocalypse series.

October Horror Part II

More Movies of the Horrific Persuasion!

Pontypool - Or rather, Noam Chomsky's Dawn of the Dead.  Just when you think there's nothing left to be done with the Zombie Movie genre, a gem like this one comes along and surprises you.  Seriously, the vector for infection is unlike anything I've seen in movies or literature, and actually kept me interested. The setting is claustrophobic, the acting is superb, and it's developed in such a manner that keeps you involved until the bitter end.

Splinter - I don't think I can overstate how low my expectations were for this film, so that probably helped cement it as a favorite when it actually turned out to be good.  Even with that caveat, I think most would agree this was a fantastic horror film.  It has what you want - an original villain, special effects that are horrific, but well (and selectively) used to maximize impact, decent acting and a great ending.  I went into this expecting a SyFy Original Movie, and got something else entirely.  The setup is basic - two couples have an unfortunate chance encounter and are trapped inside a remote gas station - it's the execution that matters.  It got nominated for a slew of awards when it came out, but lost to bigger budgeted movies, even though (IMHO), this movie used its money far more wisely and effectively than any of their competitors (which included Saw and Hellboy II).

AM1200 - "Lovecraftian" is a term that gets tossed around quite a bit in the reviews of this short film, and not undeservedly so.  At 40 minutes, this is less of a film than it is a visual business card for first time (non-documentary) director David Prior.  With so little time, there's no need for filler, it gets straight to the point and never lets up, cranking up the tension.  After stealing a bunch of money from his employer, the protagonist goes on the lam, jumping into his car and heading off cross country to escape.  He tunes into the titular radio station as he goes, which preaches an evangelical message at first before morphing into a cry for help.  Continuing his streak of bad ideas, the protagonist decides to track down the station and try and help out.  Anything more would spoil this one, so if you haven't seen it, find it.  The DVD is for sale on the movie's website, by the way.

End of the Line - I was rolling my eyes at parts of this, but stuck with it till the end, and I'm glad that I did.  What at first appear to be rather hamfisted swipes at modern religion actually serve a purpose, setting the viewer up for the ending of the movie, which is both horrific and unexpected.  The upshot is that a cult decides that the end of the world is nigh, and go about "saving souls" using sharp pointy objects.  Some folks are trapped in the subway with some cultists, and drama ensues.  The acting leaves a bit to be desired, but can be forgiven.  Watching it for a second time means wading through the eye-rolling again, and I think the payoff only works once.  So I'm not sure how much replay value this movie has, but if you haven't seen it before, it's worth it, at least once.

Frailty - Speaking of eye-rolling religious symbolism that ends up being better than expected, there's Bill Paxton's directorial debut.  Maybe it's his terrifying earnestness, maybe it's the better than average performances by the kids, but whatever it is, this movie works.  Paxton comes home one day to tell his children that God has told him that there are demons hidden inside some people, and that it's his job to "destroy" them, and he really loves his boys and wants them to be a part of his vocation.  There's a bookending piece to this that provides a nice twist, but it's not really needed - the core story is riveting enough.

House (Hausu) - I try and avoid spoilers in these reviews, mostly because I don't want someone to lose some of the impact of the movie by knowing what they're getting into.  Imagine seeing Dark City for the first time, and knowing that.... what happens... happens ahead of time?  It's still a good movie, but it looses some of the punch.  In this case, I'm not revealing anything because it wouldn't make any sense anyways.  There's really no way to explain this movie without the shared context that comes from having seen it.  Filmed in 1977 but only released in North America several years ago, I can almost guarantee that you will utter the some iteration of the words, "What the hell?" at least once during this movie.  I wasn't even sure whether or not to include it in the list because I'm not sure how much of a horror movie it's supposed to be.  While it uses many of the tropes of horror movies, it has characters with names like Gorgeous, Fantasy, Prof and Kung Fu, and that's the least of the weirdness.  Upshot is, you're never sure exactly how seriously you should be taking this.  Definitely worth the watch, just to say that you have.

October Horror Part I

I love October.  I really do.  The weather starts to cool down, the trees start to change color, lots of work holidays are coming up which means more family time, and best of all, I have an excuse to watch horror movies that my wife would otherwise veto.

I've recently been out to the theater to see two, one that was very good, the other that wasn't horrible, and Paranormal Activity 4 kicks off today, so far so good.  I'll get to them in Part II, but for Part I, I wanted to show some love for my very favorite horror movies of all time.  I'll try and avoid the obvious ones (Night of the Living Dead, Psycho, Exorcist, Halloween, etc), in hopes that there might be at least one on the list you've never seen before....

Maybe?

In the Mouth of Madness: I'm a big fan of John Carpenter.  His recent stuff has been pretty ho-hum, but when the man was in his prime, he could crank out stories that would chill you to the bone.  I don't want this to be a post devoted entirely to John Carpenter (maybe later this month), so I picked my favorite, and that was tough.  In the Mouth of Madness, though, sits at the top of my list.  The inimitable Sam Neill in all his Sam Neill-ishness, the obvious Lovecraftian overtones, the genuinely disturbing use of special effects, but more importantly the wisdom of knowing when NOT to use them.  It's rare to encounter a movie in the modern age that has any sense of restraint - why hint at death and destruction when we can throw it in the viewers' faces?  I don't know about you, but the things I imagine typically scare me more than the best Hollywood shlock, and Carpenter gets that.

Crazy fact about the movie: the Black Church depicted in the film as the seat of all evil is a real place!

The Medusa Touch: A latter day Richard Burton glowers and growls his way through this tale of a man with a "gift for disaster", proving that misanthropy and psychic abilities are a bad combination.  There is a scene in this movie, you'll know it when you see it, that explains why this gem has never been released in the States.  There's not too much to say about this - it's got spectacular acting, a solid plot, some shocking scenes that make this a regular every Halloween.  Burton's dead-fish stare make his dialogue all the more terrifying, and there's a general air of creepy, "things are not right" that runs through the background of the entire film, which leads up to a horrific climax that makes you want to start the movie over again to catch all the things you missed the first time through.

The Sentinel:    This movie is a veritable Who's Who of actors, including some from before they were famous.  Jerry Orbach, Christopher Walken, Jeff Goldblum, Tom Berenger, Burgess Meredith, Chris Sarandon, John Carradine, Arthur Kennedy, Ava Gardner, Martin Balsam, Jose Ferrer and Eli Wallach all share the stage in the 1977 film.  In it, an actress moves into a loft in NYC, at a price that seems to be too good to be true.  Of course, it is too good to be true - the building sits on a gate to hell, and the order of excommunicated priests that own it have their sights set on the heroine to become the next guardian of the portal.

The movie does an outstanding job of starting things off with an uneasy feeling, then ratcheting up the tension to a truly terrifying finale, made infamous by the fact that actual physically and mentally disabled people were hired to portray demons and damned souls.  Whether it was in good taste or not, it makes for a scene you won't forget.

Prince of Darkness: Okay, so I said I would only put one John Carpenter movie on this list, but I'd be remiss if I didn't include at least one more.  This movie often gets a bad rap, and not entirely undeservedly so.  Alice Cooper plays a hobo that stabs someone with a bicycle, and the portrayal of the villain is not what most people are expecting.  Fair enough.  But the good outweighs the bad by far.  In a recent g+ thread, Raggi asked who the audience thought should write a LotFP adventure, and I threw Carpenter's name up there with this movie in mind.  It's a classic RPG setup - a group of scientists from disparate fields are called to a church basement by an order of priests who, as it turns out, have been hiding the Anti-Christ from prying eyes for centuries.  Unfortunately for them, and the rest of the planet, it appears to be waking up.  They are trapped in the church, and the fight for survival begins.  It's a metaphysical, eschatological horror story with a foundation in Carpenter's studies of theoretical physics and atomic theory.  What's not to love??????

"I have a message for you, and you're not going to like it.  Pray for death."

shudder.

Session 9: Starring David Caruso, this was Brad Anderson's first horror movie, but he did it right.  I could have sworn Chris Bauer was also in this, but IMDB says I'm wrong.  Huh.  Anyhow, this is a movie that is all about atmosphere.  An asbestos crew goes into an abandoned asylum, and things start to get weird.  Then they get weirder, and weirder still.  Nobody went to see it when it was released, which is a shame, because it's almost universally praised.  It's a movie that plays with the viewer's expectations, and pulls off an ending that would have fizzled in lesser hands.  I'd love to tell more about it, but I don't want to take away from the awesomeness that comes from seeing this cold.  Just trust me and watch it.

It's also the origin of this classic .gif file, from the ever-over-emotive David Caruso:








Jacob's Ladder: Another movie that excels at barely glancing at the more horrific aspects of its mythology rather than slapping the viewer across the face with them, freakishly tall Tim Robbins (6'5!) plays a Vietnam vet who comes home from the war after nearly losing his life to find that things are significantly stranger than he remembers them being.  Another movie that watches like an RPG, you can see the influence on 90s horror RPGs such as Kult, World of Darkness, and other games where the horror of the unknown creeps in, fraying the edges of the world a bit at a time until the protagonist can't tell where the real world ends and where the horror begins.  A movie that keeps the viewer off balance, and effectively puts the viewer in the protagonist's seat, you'll find yourself wondering along with Robbins' character, "Did I really just see that?"






more to come.....

Blindness - A Review

So I'm late to the party on this one, but having heard lots of good things about it, I gave it a shot. 

The essential plot is simple enough - an epidemic of blindess sweeps through the population of an unnamed city, and society crumbles as a result.  The plot itself is convincing, and director Fernando Meirelles pulls out all the stops, using every cinematograhic trick in the book to make this a movie that's easy to watch, but hampered by awful dialogue and a poorly realized world.  Not having read the book on which the movie is based, I'm not sure how much of this is due to the source material (wiki tells me that the movie leans heavily on the plot from the book), and how much is due to an inexperienced screenplay writer. 

At its core, this is a strong idea, and the cinematography used convincingly to immerse the viewer in the situation.  I can't describe how gorgeous this movie is to watch, I'm glad that I saw it just for all the clever ways Meirelles uses the camera to drag the viewer into the world.  The acting is serviceable, if a bit typical - Julianne Moore is typically Julianne Moore-ish, same with Mark Ruffalo.  Danny Glover continues his second career as the go-to guy for movies that can't afford Morgan Freeman, here playing the Magical Negro.

So far so good.

The main problem I have with this is the fact that, according to the wikipedia page, the city these folks live in is under the thumb of a totalitarian government.  Fair enough, but unfortunately, that is never communicated in the movie itself.  In typical apocalyptic scenarios, the government starts off with well intentioned, if slightly draconian measures as they attempt to curb whatever scenario is facing them, and gradually lose perspective and become harsher and harsher.  Here, they zoom straight to "Bag o' Dicks" mode, immediately tossing every blind person they can find into a prison and shooting anyone who walks towards the door.  It sort of makes sense if the goverment is a Bag o' Dicks already, but the film goes out of its way in the beginning to show how normal everyone is, so the Bag o' Dicks sort of hits you upside the head unexpectedly, leaving you wondering why the government is being such jerks. 

Then it gets worse - I mean, really, they shut off the water so the blind people are walking around in filth, they give them less food than they need with no explanation given, the guards play "hot and cold" games with the blind people when they come to collect their food rations, they shoot one then run off, muttering, "Sarge is gonna kill me now!".  It doesn't come across as a real world, totalitarian or no, but rather like a sixteen year old's rant, their immature idea of what "The Man" is gonna do when he comes for you. 

The problems continue.  Bad enough that the world wasn't realized enough to clue the viewers into the fact that the characters are ruled by jerks, but it turns out they're stupid jerks, as well.  They are able to recognize the pattern of infection within 24 to 48 hours (the timing is a bit indistinct, but it doesn't seem as though that much time passes between intial infection and incarceration), they locate Patient Zero, but they make no attempt to try and learn anything about whatever is causing the blindness, they just toss everyone inside.  Maybe I just have an optimistic view of apocalyptic scenarios like this (heh), but I'm pretty sure that in addition to containment, trying to, oh, I don't know, solve the problem?  Might be on most governments' agendas, no matter how totalitarian they are?

And the dialogue.  There are several instances where even veteran actress Julianne Moore isn't able to sell some of the lines she's given.  Looking at screenwriter Don McKellar's IMD page, it looks like this was his only screenplay, and I can see why.  Stilted dialogue abounds, the absolute nadir being when Danny Glover shifts (literally) into narrator voice for a solid two minutes, describing to those gathered 'round the events that had occurred since they were tossed in the brig. 

Then there's that scene.  As things start to break down, one group assumes control of the food, trading it first for valuables, then for women, leading for an extended, and very uncomfortable mass rape scene.  Yes, nine women are gang raped by about thirty men, and it's just as awful as you think it would be.  Apparently, it was cut back from it's original length, and it still feels too long.  The less said of this, the better.

Sigh.

Okay, that's the bad. 

There really is a lot of good to this, though, really!  Some very interesting characterization - none of the characters have names, for instance, something neither I nor my better half realized until about halfway through the film when we realized we were referring to the characters as "The Doctor", "The Doctor's Wife", "The Guy With the Eyepatch", etc.  Which, coincidentally, are the character's actual names in the script.  So well done there!

There are other ideas floating around as well.  At one point, someone who was born blind is tossed in with the rest.  Being more used to his condition than the rest, he is able to get around better, and assumes a position of power within the group.  Surprisingly, he's kind of a jerk as well, participting with gusto in that scene, and acting like an all around pompous ass.  It's unusual to see the disabled portrayed as anything but noble at best, troubled at worst.  This guy is an unrepentant ass.  Apparently several advocacy groups for the blind protested this movie, and even picketed some showings, and I have a feeling this character is a big reason why.  José Saramago, the author, apparently responded: "Stupidity doesn’t choose between the blind and the non-blind."  Well said, that.

Again, I can't overstate how marvelous the cinematography is, It does an amazing job of disorienting the viewer, and pulling them into the world.  Even when it's horrible (like in that scene), it's still effective. I won't mention it again, except to say that if you take nothing else away from this review, the movie is GORGEOUS.

Just keep your finger on the remote for that scene.

Thoughts on The Last Dragon

I'm on a redeye flight from Dallas to Boston. My better half and I watched The Last Dragon to stay awake so I could catch the 130 am flight and now at 30,000 feet I can't stop thinking how awesome it is. Probably helps that Ive had a couple of Irish coffees but what the hell. In no particular order, these are the top reasons why this is an amazing movie.

* William H Macy's finest hour
* What kung fu movie isn't improved by musical interludes?
* The song, "Rhythm Of the Night" was created specifically for this movie!  Who knew!
* The villain Arkadian never blinks. Not once.
* I think Terry Crews learned how to act from watching Sho Nuff chew threw the scenery.
* Speaking of Sho Nuff - greatest villain ever or greatest villain of all time?
* You've got the Glow!
* Get your feetsa to Papa Georges Pizza!
* LEEEEEEEEROYYYY
* Seriously - He's the SHOGUN OF FRIGGIN HARLEM.
* There are two people in the film with one word names. What can I say - it was the 80s!
* Totally gonzo plot - Thug/Producer wants his girl to be a popstar so he kidnaps local night club singer/celebrity to convince her to get his girls video rotation at her club. Club singer/celebrity escapes with the help of young naive Kung Fu master and protects her from the army of mercenaries hired by thug/promoter to avenge the slight. Meanwhile the Shogun of Harlem is determined to fight young naive Kung Fu master at any cost. Sounds like a Grant Morrison script.
* Young naive Kung Fu maater's little brother - what ever happened to that kid? Seriously that kid had Charisma.

The Perfect Movie

Buckaroo Banzai vs. Danger! Diabolik

Seriously, Hollywood, make it happen.  I don't know why it hasn't happened yet, and honestly, I don't need to know.  No need to credit me, just

MAKE.  IT.  HAPPEN.

                       VS

  

 

Deranged - A Review

Y'know, who hasn't read an article somewhere about the zombie fungus that drives ants up trees, or other weird parasites that alter the behaviors of various and sundry critters and thought, what if something like that were to infect people?  To be honest, I'm surprised Syfy hasn't jumped on it already, starring Cyndi Lauper or something.  No, it was the Koreans who have successfully tapped that well for the first time, with an interesting little movie entitled, Deranged.

Taking a Dick Wolf-esque, "ripped from the headlines" approach, the movie takes the very real Horsehair Worm, specifically Spinochordodes tellinii and unleashes it upon mankind.  All Horsehair Worms are fundamentally atrocious, but Spinochordodes tellinii is especially so.  "Normal" Horsehair Worms are content to just grow inside different insects and sealife, leaching them of their nutrients and killing them as they hatch.  Spinochordodes tellinii  though, gives it's host the added bonus of releasing chemicals which drive the infected to seek out the nearest body of water and leap into it.  There the worms abandon the body via whatever orifice is handy, mate, deposit eggs in the water, and start the horrific circle of life all over again.

So what happens when these start to infect humans? 

PANIC!

Bodies start popping up in rivers and lakes, folks are downing bottled water like it's going out of style, and then drowning themselves in everything from bathtubs to fishtanks.  Things only get worse when it's discovered that this mutant strain kills the host when exposed to vermicide.  At first the medical community is puzzled, until it turns out that one particular brand of vermicide works.  Unfortunately, that brand was discontinued due to poor sales, leaving the protagonist to search with increasing desperation, and fail to obtain them due to increasingly improbable coincidences and turns of fate. 

The government becomes more and more authoritarian, going from "We're quarantining you for your own protection", to "We're taking away your cellphones because... um... we're concerned about public safety?"  Evil corporations get involved, and, well, to be honest the whole thing sorta goes off the rails a bit towards the end, and the SHOCK! last shot is just silly.

But at the core of all of this is a solid idea, and the first hour or so delivers a solid Robin Cook style medical thriller.  Definitely more Outbreak than Contagion, though. 

Prometheus - A Review

I guess technically this sort of falls under the purview of this blog, as there are definitely some post-apocalyptic elements to the film, but mostly I wanted to vent, and my better half was tired of hearing about it.  You might get the idea from this review that I didn't enjoy Prometheus, and that's not true.  I enjoyed it while I watched it - it was technically proficient, in that it did a good job of building tension, had amazing set pieces, and was absolutely gorgeous at times, face-twistingly disgusting at others.

My big problem with it is that it's probably got the most unsatisfying plot that I've encountered in quite some time.  Imagine watching the first Star Wars movie, and they didn't explain what the Force was, and that's about where I was at the end of Prometheus. 

Warning - spoilers ahead.  If you're concerned by such things, turn back now!

You were warned!

By the end of the film, all we know is that some aliens created life on earth for some reason, then decided to kill it for another reason, using a world packed full of biological weapons but died somehow before they could.  At some point, they also taught a bunch of human civilizations how to locate the world full of biological weapons, for some reason.  One alien has been asleep while the rest of his people died, for some reason, and still lives somehow, and wants to go to earth to kill humans when he wakes up, again for some reason.  Oh and their heads explode every once in awhile.  The alien heads, that is.

Are you starting to see the problem?  The first Alien movie got away with not giving too many answers because it didn't pose any questions.  Strange signal pulls the crew off their mission where they encounter a room full of sleeping aliens, one of them gets infected and they have to fight it.  What were the aliens doing there in the first place is never really the point of the film, as the planet gets left behind - the focus is on what happens as they fight it on the ship.  The planet and the weirdness they find on it are merely the delivery system for the plot, a cinematic facehugger, if you will, so the tension, conflict and resolution are completely separate from it, leading you to shrug your shoulders at the weirdness at the beginning and say, "It's SPACE, man, weird shit happens there sometimes, I guess."

In Prometheus, the planet and the weirdness ARE the plot, and the tension, conflict and resolution are supposed to center around the questions posed, and the answers to them as they're discovered, except they never are. 

The fact that this was not a true prequel is a baffling decision.  Only two things prevent this from being a sequel: in Alien, they go to LV 233, whereas in Prometheus they go to LV 426, and the Engineer at the end doesn't crawl back into the chair before the thing bursts out of his chest. Change those two things, and it's an Alien prequel.  Why have Weyland corporation, and the same Jockeys/Engineers in the movie, and not have it be a prequel?  Why have the ship crash back to the planet's surface, ending up in almost the exact same position that the one they found at LV233 was?  Were they afraid that people wouldn't go see an Alien prequel, but also afraid that people wouldn't go to a random Sci-Fi movie directed by Ridley Scott?  It was a very confusing decision.

On top of that were some very questionable decisions made by characters.  At times, characters would just do odd shit, and nobody would question them about it, and no explanation was offered.  Like the geographer who's entire raison d'etre is mapping things, but then gets lost.  Or the biologist who's years of expertise taught him that, when confronted in an alien environment by a snake with a vagina for a face that hisses, the proper thing to do is to coo softly at it, and try and pet it.  Why did the robot put the little egg inside that guys drink?  Was that a science experiment or sadism?  Why, after then going through all the trouble of doping up the woman when he found out she was pregnant with alien seed to try and smuggle her off to earth, was his only reaction to seeing her stagger into the room covered with blood with an abdominal wound and very obviously no longer pregnant to cover her with a lab coat?  Why did nobody ask her why she wasn't pregnant anymore, what happened to the alien fetus, could it possibly be hanging about in a closed room growing to gigantic size?  And why, after being knocked unconscious by a robot with ill intent, did she then agree to go on a mission with him?  I can understand the ending, it's just him and her, etc, but she didn't have to head down there with the robot, and I can't for the life of me understand why she would?  And my personal favorite, after being advised that she had several minutes to get to her super duper escape pod that they made a specific point of stating would allow her to live comfortably for several years, did Charlize Theron instead pull on a jump suit and hop into a flying coffin?

Gah.

Like i said, I enjoyed as I was watching it.  I was trusting that the questions that were being posed would be answered, and the further I got into things, the closer I got to the ending, the more frustrated I became.  I may try and watch it again, at some point, to see if maybe some of these things were answered and I was just not paying attention, but I'm going to need some time for the frustration to subside.

If nothing else, it makes me want to watch the original trilogy again.  So there's that.

Zombie Apocalypse Survivor

Gamquistu - Games, Quizzes and Stuff.

Based on what I've seen around the blogosphere, RPG bloggers will make up the majority of the population of mankind after the first year of the zombie apocalypse. I think that, rather than sharing a badge, it would be more interesting to share the answers that got us all these high scores. I, for one, would like to know who the people are that are going to shut the door on people, or not go across town to check on loved ones. Stuff like that is good to know.

As I'm staring at the title of this post, I'm reminded of the excellent Charlie Brooker series Dead Set. It takes what, on it's surface, is a patently absurd idea - a zombie outbreak occurs, trapping the contestants of Big Brother inside the Big Brother House, and plays it perfectly straight. Brooker uses the situation, in the tradition of the genre, to comment on society at large, and does so wonderfully, creating a tale that is humourous, pointed, and horrifying at various points. Check it out. And really, check out anything Charlie Brooker does, he's a cynical, shouty version of Jon Stewart, minus Stewart's self congratulatory smarminess.

The Cat Piano

This is well worth the watch, it's almost Lovecraftian, despite the cartoony art.  Seriously, it's only 8 minutes long - do yourself a favor and watch this...

Avengers Day!

In a little over 2 hours, I will be kicking off an all day Avengers marathon at a local theater, which is showing Iron Man I and II, Thor, Captain America and Incredible Hulk, all leading up to the midnight debut of Avengers!

Of course, I was up past midnight following an exciting 2e session, which I'll detail later, if Ark doesn't beat me to it, so I am unsure of my ability to make it all the way to 2:30 tomorrow morning, but hey - free refills on soda, so caffeine city here I come!!!!